left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
