U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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