she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
