Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
