My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
