I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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