Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
