Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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