my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
