A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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