And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
The Olympian is in my bed
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
