Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We left the knife in your bed.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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