Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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