a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
