I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I need to stop coming to work sober
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
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I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
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Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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