Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Randomize
