I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Farmville is her only friend.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
