ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
