Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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