i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
