I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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