no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
