dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
