Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
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So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
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Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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