so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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