I'm pants shitting drunk right now
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
you had me at cake vodka
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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