thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
