my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
