Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
