gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
So vagazzling was a success
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
