I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
