theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
