i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
a search helicopter?!
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
