you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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