If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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