New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
