So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
