if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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