All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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