I wish I only lived at night.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
