Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
