i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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