I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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