if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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