Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
