I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
