Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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