he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
