First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
