you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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