dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
