Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
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It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
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No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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