My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
