just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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