Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
