Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
