loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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