Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
