I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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