i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
