As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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